All found on the series of tubes known as the internet
This thing was parked at the Lorimer L train stop, waiting for your ass. Where the hell were you?
Maybe the more bizarre thing about this guy was that he undressed on the platform, revealing his normal clothing, which just happened to be the uniform of a 1950’s milkman. Complete with plastic milk jugs in a plastic container. You know, so that it was believable.
Anyway. The debate rages on: Is this a blue bird or a dolphin?
A note to my officemates on the 13th floor:
I just want you weasels to know that whichever one of you ate my Dannon Fruit on the Bottom raspberry yogurt—that I naively left in the fridge without my name Sharpie-d across the lid—I’m really upset with you. It took a lot of energy for me to get off my couch and put on pants the other night to walk those two blocks to Met Food to stock up on yogurt and string cheese. I don’t think you know the extent to which I dislike pants. And the fact that you’d so brazenly take my yogurt as if it were yours, well I just want to reiterate that you suck, you really fucking suck.
I have to admit that my first instinct was to go around checking all of your wastebaskets, then looking you hard in the eye and asking you to explain yourself. But I’ve gone three years without talking to a single one of you and that’s not going to change now. So I thought it best to just pay it forward Kevin Spacey-style and take one of the other yogurts in the minifridge. Except you freaks only stock this fridge with black cherry yogurt and there’s no way I’m eating that.
New York, you are killing me. You are breaking my spirit and canceling so many of my plans.
Aside from one misguided attempt at humor by friends who took me to Red Lobster for my birthday, I’ve been sticking to my lobster ban pretty well. They’re not exactly difficult to avoid. Actually I’d say that lobsters rank fairly high on the list of things that are easy to avoid. And then yesterday I was invited to a clam/lobster cookout? bakeout? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that lobsters and I would both be in attendance at this thing and I had to act like not a crazy person when we were in the same room.
What I don’t understand about lobsters (and pineapples, too) is who, honestly, WHO saw a lobster and thought, This. I’m going to eat this. Whatever is inside of this is bound to be delicious. BECAUSE HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FUCKING THING? ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING AT IT? It’s not exactly giving out invitations to feast on it.
You can pick up these frames at any 3-D screening of Up. Not sure why they went for the emo look when they could’ve easily pandered to everyone’s nostalgia and gone with one blue lens and one red lens. But okay. I’m not going to tell you how to do your job, Pixar. I’m only saying that the emo quotient of these glasses skyrocketed when I CRIED THROUGH THE WHOLE MOVIE.
Well this is pretty fucking alarming.
Apparently I was dreamt about the other night. A guy I only sort-of know dreamt he threw a party at which I was “drunkenly passed out or sleeping,” but obviously the former. I guess the rest of the dream-party attendees thought it was crazy that I was there, let alone unconscious, so naturally things got pretty dream-violent. Lots of “what the fuck is she doing here?” and “she doesn’t belong!” being tossed around, none of which seemed to rouse me until a beer bottle was smashed and a face was slapped—because we are dream-adults after all. At this I apparently woke up in my friend’s dream, looked around, and said, “What am I doing here? I should just go.” And then walked out.
Despite all this being eerily true to life, it is hilarious/sad that even in my sort-of friends dreams I am an awkward social outcast who can anger people with my presence alone. Maybe this is my superpower*? Making people uncomfortable in their own dreams as well as in real life.
*Before this, my superpower was smushing words to make brand-new words. Drunch, anyone?
Pretty sure this animal has itself a bright future on the Internet.
Though, personally, I’d like to see his cousin with the bigger ears do some, uh, vids.
He probably has an appointment to get to. Squirrels: very busy and important creatures. Also, damn good at blending in.