I am usually very quick to let bygones be bygones. I’m very pro-Let It Go. But there are a few things that, for a bunch of really very valid reasons, are so non-get-over-able in my book.

1: What Brad Pitt did to Jennifer Aniston via Angelina Jolie in January 2005. Since then I have yet to watch a Brad Pitt movie. I did see The Good Shepherd and Angelina was in that, but I hated it and was bored by it and it was Christmas and I am Jewish and everyone went so I went because I’m sheepish. No, not sheepish. Sheeplike. Sheepy?

2: Kanye West freaking out at the European MTV Awards (is that a thing? if it’s a thing, then it was that thing) a few years back because he didn’t win something he thought he should’ve won and Justice won instead and he was just not. having. it. Anyway, I decided then that it was obnoxious and he was obnoxious and that was the end of that. I don’t listen to his music, I won’t read anything about him, and shit like this isn’t winning him any more fans.

3: This next thing I can’t even really say ‘cause it’s actually scandalous. But I will say that this one author that everyone fell all over and thought was god’s gift to books and paper and all things written, was actually a total douchebag (and a liar, and a cheat) and fucked with someone I care very deeply about. And so, I won’t read anything that sprung from his asshole mind.

4: A stray from the theme, but I have a ban on lobsters. When I was 14 I read a forwarded e-mail/urban legend about a woman who couldn’t afford a vibrator but could afford a lobster, which she proceeded to use to pleasure herself. Fast-forward to the next morning and she’s given birth to shrimp babies (what?). Yeah. So, clearly this is one big huge untruth but I was 14 and impressionable and I can’t eat lobster without thinking of, and then subsequently telling, this story. So I just don’t.

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And just because I can:

The Boy Least Likely To - Hugging My Grudge